Cinema Suicide #1 Battle Beyond the Stars

Cinema Suicide is a weekley article praising those truely terrible films we love

Imagine a film that’s the story of a simple peace loving planet that is on the verge of destruction by a technologically superior race, who wish to harvest the natural resource for there own gain. Throw into the mix designs by James Cameron and a score by James Horner and you’ve got an intergalactic space opera for the ages. No it’s not the dances with smurfs with an anti capitalist rhetoric film Avatar. Instead it’s Battle Beyond the Stars.

In a galaxy that for copy write reasons is not that far away or even that long ago, comes the 1980 Roger Corman “space opera on a shoestring”, that not only manages to borrow from Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai but also from Star Wars itself. Following the astonishing success of George Lucas’ Star Wars in 1977, movie studios were eager to jump on the gravy train, Battle beyond the stars was born. Writers Anne Dyer and John Sayles were enlisted to craft the story while Jimmy T. Murakami was enlisted to direct the action. With a budget of just $2.5 million (the costliest Coreman film to date) special effects supervisor James Cameron managed to create some beautiful models and miniatures. This coupled with the superb James Horner score that is a precursor for his arrangement on Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, there are some real genuine moment of quality in this film.

But that’s not why I love it

The reason I love Battle beyond the stars is the fact that it is awful, ridiculously awful. The acting is hammy, the script is terrible, the character motivation is completely bi-polar, it’s plot points are convenient to the point of laziness, the creature design poor, the battle scenes in space look (and were) cheaply made with sound effects even cheaper and one of the characters has a whisky/water/ice dispenser on his belt. But despite all of this, the film has a charm that only really a Roger Corman B movie can have. So let’s delve into the plot of Battle beyond the stars.

Luke Skywalker-lite, Shad (Richard Thomas) is a young boy from the planet Akir, whose skill is not that he has an affinity to some mystical force; it’s that he is the only one of his people who can pilot the planet’s only space vessel. Yes, the whole back story to our hero is that he is the only one alive with a heavy goods license. This is a massive slice of luck as cruel and merciless Lord Sador of the Malmori has issued an ultimatum to the people of Akir, he wants their space rice. Quite why an all powerful race of space warriors need with rice from this particular planet is never explained, but nether the less he wants it and if he doesn’t get it he’ll destroy the planet. Lord Sador obviously couldn’t afford a Death Star so instead his weapon of choice is the Stellar Converter. One minor gripe with his plan is that if he isn’t given the rice he will destroy the peaceful planet of Alder…..I mean Akir. That really doesn’t solve the rice shortage issues. So begins Shads Seven Samurai style quest across the galaxy to find warriors able to protect his peaceful planet. The ship Shad is given possibly the most tongue in cheek design for a star ship ever, god bless James Cameron for having sense of humour enough to include a ship with two heaving beasts. Nell, as the ship is called is downright sexy and a wink to the audience that we really shouldn’t take any of this seriously.

On Shad’s journey he manages to recruit *deep breath*; Gelt (Robert Vaughn) a deadly, mysterious mercenary who’s a mainstay of the galaxy’s 10 Most Wanted list; Nanelia (Darlanne Fluegel) Shad’s love interest and computer expert; Caymen (Morgan Woodward), who’s main skill appears to be the fact that he’s friends with two midgets; a troop of clones, who share one consciousness; Saint Exmin (Sybil Danning), who’s breasts appear to be in direct competition with Shad’s starship Nell and last but not least Cowboy (George Peppard), who obviously has a love of western’s and also mobile saloon attached to his belt. As you can imagine all sorts of space hi-jinks and clichéd action take place as this rag tag band of freedom fighters attempt to thwart evil Lord Sador’s plan.

We won’t go into spoilers (spoilers for a film released 30 years ago?), but look past the poor acting, terrible script ect, and there’s a schlocky sci-fi farce that marvels at it’s own failings and wears it’s camp factor as a badge of honour. A great movie experience doesn’t necessarily need a great movie, so get a group of friends around, dim the lights and drink in this films majestic awfulness. You’ll be better people for it.